Abducted, Back, and Bored

Posted: July 11, 2010 in Humour, Opinion, Websites

Dear Morgan,

Well – I was abducted by a surgeon on Thursday afternoon.  I’m now back home with my foot in plaster and I’m bored.  Bored.  Bored.  I managed to keep occupied for a little while playing online scrabble with a friend on facebook.  I had 6 games going at once with her.  But my playing partner got tired and went to bed.  Sigh. You’re not around to harrass on skype, so I turned to Google.  Google HAS to have the answer – it has the answer for everything!  So I typed in ‘What to do if you’re bored’.

I came across a website with 75 things to do when you’re bored.

Here’s just 10…..

1) Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message.

Sigh – and the point is?  If I did that I would probably render my head to a Migraine Headache.  Okay – I admit it – I tried it.  It did absolutely nothing.  I got no interesting light shows, and it kept me occupied for a full 5 seconds!  Next…

2). See how long you can hold a note
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can.

Okay – I did this.  Twice.  The first time my cat woke up and got out of her igloo.  The second time she jumped on my knee and put her head in my mouth.  Having cat fur in your mouth is no fun.  But her reaction was funny.  I might just do this one again occasionally.

3). Pretend you’re a robot
Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding ‘zzzzzt’ sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in, say, your left hand can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment.

Now this would be okay if I were out somewhere as I’m walking with a walking frame.    In fact, I have to go out tomorrow, so I just might try it.  If you get a phone call from me, would you rescue me from the funny farm in Blenheim?  I’m wondering what the left hand can add though – that part doesn’t quite make sense.  I’ll improvise though.

4). Pinch yourself
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There’s nothing physical about it – it’s all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Why would I even want to make myself be in pain?  I’m already in pain.  Pain hurts.  It makes time go by slower.  Not a good idea.  Boredom will feel no nicer afterwards!

5). Try to swallow your tongue
There’s not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Yes – very stupid – why is it even on a list of 75 things to do if you’re bored?   If you swallow your tongue, you’ll need to get to an emergency room straight away to let them know.  I wonder if they will know what  ‘hi   i  ha swwow ma ua’ acutally means Hi, I have swallowed my tongue’.  (I had to act that out to see what it would sound like  It relieved my boredom for all of 5 seconds.  My cat looked at me really – she must be getting used to weird things from me by now – surely!)

6). Get yourself as nauseated as possible
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can’t even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the “makes boredom seem a lot better” effect (see “Hurt Yourself”).

As a person who gets dizzy frequently without looking straight up and spinning around, I see no ‘boredom relief’ potential or fun in this.  Why anyone would want to feel this way is beyond me.  I have problems understanding why people go on roller coasters, scream their heads off, come off green, then do it again.  They call it fun.  I call it stupidity.  Brainless.

7. Invent a weird twitch
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out when you go shopping.

I already have one.  I’ts called a limp.  It’s why the Surgeon abducted me.  Adopting another twitch to go with the limp would probably make me fall over.  Not a good idea.

8). Pretend to be a car
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

Blinking eyes as indicators??  Does that mean you’re going to turn left and right simultaneously?  I could probably do that.  But I can’t wink.  Never been able to, so I wouldn’t be able to indicate at all.  If I did that down here though, with my limp and my walking frame, I would definitely be carried away by men in white coats.

9). Try to not think about penguins
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Hard?  I never think of penguins.  They don’t enter my mind.  Ever.  Except when I see the movie March of the Penguins.    I’ve just tried it right now.  Not thinking about penguins.  I had no problem – I thought about aliens, sex, vibrators, torches, electricity, (because I had my power bill), food, my mobile phone.  Nope –  I never did think of a penguin. So I don’t see what is especially hard about it.  Maybe the author doesn’t have a lot to think about?

10. Make a low buzzing noise
Hours of fun in libraries! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.

Has this guy who wrote this website been in a library lately?  It’s not a place of quiet anymore.  A low pitched humming/buzzing noise emanates from the computers 100% of the time, so it’s not going to surprise anyone.  Hours of fun?  I don’t think so.  Besides, I would never be bored in a library, I would be collecting good books to read, and researching all kind of things.

Maybe I’ll head to the library tomorrow to get out of my boredom of the day!!  But I won’t be swallowing my tongue.  Not even if I’m hungry!



  1. Ha ha what an hilarious post! Laughed my arse off. Hope your foot is not bothering you too much. Or the cat. What an idiot she is sticking her head in your mouth. Are all burmese like this? (please say no because I want one!)

    I have a challenge for you… (which I will post when I have finished working).

    Morgan 😛

    • No – so far out of all the burmese I have had (3), she is the only one that has ever stuck her head in my mouth. She’s also the nuttiest, most loveable, most loving, adorable cat I’ve ever had. Even louder than #1. and she’s Mine!


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